Online Predator
by Strawberriesaresexy
Summary: Sasuke is a rogue assassin on the run from Naruto who is head of an assassin organization. Sasuke tries internet dating for the first time and accidentally involves Suigetsu in some NaruSasu craziness.


Suigetsu scanned the bar with a barely contained nervous energy. To say that he was worried about meeting up with a guy he'd met on the Internet was a bit of an understatement. He'd been told some real horror stories about this sort of thing, but last night, aided by a bottle of tequila and the kind of porn that only exists on the darkest nether regions of the Internet, Suigetsu had hatched a devious brain baby. See in the gay community there were only two kinds of people who used Internet dating sights: the desperate and the perverted, and the way Suigetsu had it figured either way he'd be in for a night of no holds bar sex. What he had remembered when daylight illuminated his modest apartment and the fog the tequila had cast over his thoughts cleared, allowing for reason to set in, was that the psychotic were also fans of the Internet.

However, Suigetsu decided he had come too far to turn back now. He was going to roll the dice come what will, and what happened to be coming now was the most beautiful brunette Suigetsu had ever seen.

"Suigetsu Hoozuki?" cooed a silky voice, which brought to Suigetsu's mind images of perfectly aged bourbon being poured into crystal. So lost was he in his reverie that it took a moment for him to realize the other man seemed to be waiting for an answer.

"Uh…yeah, um, please seat down," Suigetsu gestured to the chair across the small, cloth-covered table from him. He had chosen a cozy, but ultimately quite public rendezvous point. The entire street-side wall was made entirely of glass, exposing the pair to any onlooker who happened to pass and a large overhead lamp blazed above them, lighting them perfectly for the rest of the restaurant. Suigetsu wished now that he hadn't been so anxious and inadvertently ruined any chance at privacy he might have with this exquisite creature. Anyway from the looks of it that lithe, little body would snap like a twig if Suigetsu so much as held him too hard.

"Is something wrong?" The brunette asked.

"Uh, no, no not at all, I just can't believe you look just like your picture!" Suigetsu exclaimed.

"Well that makes _one _of us," The man barbed, looking down intently at his menu.

"Oh, well you see that picture—"

"Was your head photo-shopped onto someone else's body…poorly. You were probably drunk when you did it." The pretty brunette looked up and began motioning for a waitress.

"Well if you knew all that—"

"Hoozuki? Or should I say Dr. Hoozuki," The corner of the man's pouty lips rose in an infuriating smirk and an extremely well maintained eyebrow mimicked the gesture in a challenge.

"Suigetsu's fine," Suigetsu murmured blushing a deep scarlet.

"Alright then Suigetsu, let's cut to the chase. I've just ended a very serious relationship and my job is…unorthodox. I'm not looking for a partner, but what I am looking for is something just as important."

"And what's that?"

"I need someone to fuck me raw, whenever and wherever the mood strikes me. You see my job is very stressful and I find nothing takes the edge off like a good, hard fucking, but I like it rough so I don't need any needle dick pussies wasting my time."

Suigetsu must still have been passed out drunk on his computer desk. That was the only explanation for what had just happen. Never, not ever in his most vivid of wet dreams did beautiful men walk up to him and ask to be fucked hard, no strings attached. The plethora of images that rose in Suigetsu's mind erased the presence of the waitress and drowned out the sound of the man across from him ordering them two vodka tonics, neat.

"Well, uh, what did you say your name was?" Suigetsu asked, a brilliant smile on his face as the possibilities of the night spread before him.

"I didn't. It's Sasuke."

"Alright, well Sasuke, I'm your man."

"I'm not so sure about that, but I'm willing to give you a try. What's say we finish these drinks and go back to my place?"

"Sounds like a plan," Suigetsu grinned, whoever had warned him about the Internet was obviously subscribed to the wrong sites.

A moment later the waitress returned with their drinks and in an effort to hurry along to phase two of their date Suigetsu immediately lifted his to his lips, noting with curiosity the way Sasuke's eyes flitted after the waitresses retreating back. Peculiar because he could have sworn the guy was as queer as a three dollar bill. _Oh well_, Suigetsu thought, and was about to commence chugging when suddenly a slender, and delicate hand knocked his glass out of his hand.

"Don't drink that," Sasuke said.

"Why the hell not?" Suigetsu demanded, grabbing his napkin to wipe the pungent liquid from his shirtfront.

"Didn't you notice anything strange about that waitress?" Sasuke asked.

_Great, _Suigetsu thought, _just my luck. I finally meet Mr. Perfect and he ends up being a paranoid schizophrenic. All right, just play it cool._

"Like what?" Suigetsu asked trying to keep the panic from his voice.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Her shoes moron."

"What was—"

"A waitress is on her feet all day, no one in their right mind would wear high heels." Sasuke slapped a hundred on the table and turned toward the back exit, "Come on."

"Hey, wait Sasuke, maybe she was just new."

"Listen Suigetsu," Sasuke said turning and lifting his head to look the larger man dead in the eyes. "It's very simple stay here and die or come with me and live."

"I don't think it's that imperative," Suigetsu said, still following the brunette through the back exit and into an alleyway (a desperate man will do a lot for sex). "I'm sure if you calm down you—" But Suigetsu wasn't allotted time to finish his sentence before a small and yet surprisingly strong arm caught him from behind and put him in a choke hold.

"I told you," Sasuke said before turning to the afore mentioned assailant with unnerving ease, "Let go of my date please Sakura."

"You know I can't do that Sasuke," said a voice so shrill and feminine Suigetsu almost wished he had been killed and not left to dwell in the shame of being bested by a girl who from the feel of it couldn't be more than a hundred pounds. "I'm under strict orders from Naruto to kill him and bring you back."

"Hey wait!" Suigetsu protested, "Don't I get a last request or something. We didn't even get to finish our date."

The feuding pair ignored Suigetsu and went about their astoundingly cordial battle. "I'm not coming back," Sasuke said matter-of-factly, sticking his nose in the air and crossing his arms over his chest. He looked for all the world like a petulant child and had Suigetsu's life not been at risk he might have laughed at the sight.

"The organization needs you," Sakura pleaded, "Naruto needs you."

Sasuke turned back toward the girl, a flash of guarded interest sparkling in his big, black, jewel eyes, but his only response was a snarl of, "I'm going to ask you nicely once more to put down my date Sakura and if you still refuse to comply I'm afraid this is going to have to get ugly."  
>"I told you already," Sakura said, tightening her grip on Suigetsu, "I've got my orders."<p>

"All right then," Sasuke said and in a series of movements Suigetsu barely even registered (expect for an especially high kick which had sent an involuntary flash of a fantasy and the press of a pale, slender thumb to his capture's neck which he was pretty sure finally set him free) Suigetsu was standing by Sasuke's side and Sakura was on the ground twitching.

"You-you!" Suigetsu couldn't make himself finish the statement for fear of confirmation.

Sasuke just rolled his eyes, "She's fine. Paralyzed, but fine, when Naruto finds her, which should be in about ten to fifteen minutes he'll release her from the paralysis. Come on, we've got to get out of here. As I said Naruto's coming and when he sees this he'll be more pissed off then ever."

Suigetsu nodded dumbly, running to catch up with the already retreating brunette, "So where are we going?"

"It's better you don't know," Sasuke answered.

"Well who is this Naruto guy?"

"That you really don't want to know."

"Well why is he after you?"

"That's not any of your business."

"Goddamn it!" Suigetsu screamed out in frustration. "I'm probably going to die because of this so the least you could do is tell me what exactly it is I'm dying for."

"Fine," Sasuke sighed out reluctantly. "But first, where is your car?"

"_My car._"

"Of course," Sasuke said, staring at Suigetsu as if he were the biggest idiot who ever dared to call himself a multi-cellular organism. "Naruto knows what mine looks like."

If you had asked Suigetsu two hours ago if had thought he'd be parked in the middle of a field, outside of town running for his life with most beautiful man alive he'd have asked for the name of your supplier, but as it were that was exactly what Suigetsu was doing. Parked in the middle of a field with a beautiful man while said beautiful man explained why they had to run for their lives in the middle of what _had _been the best date of Suigetsu's life.

"It's as simple as that," Sasuke said, although Suigetsu had the feeling he was leaving something out. "I wanted out and Naruto didn't take to the idea so now he's made up his mind to bring me back come hell or high water."

"And you're an assassin?" Suigetsu said to his back windshield.

"Right," Sasuke said to the front.

"And this Naruto guy he's like the head assassin."

"He runs the organization. That's right."

"So…didja fuck him?"

"Excuse me?" Sasuke asked, the placidity in his voice cracking ever so slightly.

"Well it seems to me that if I were running an assassin organization and someone wanted to up and leave with all our secrets I'd just kill 'em. No fuss, no muss. I mean you're assassins that's what you do," Suigetsu turned around to look at his date, eager to assess the full weight of his words on the other, "but he's wasting an awful lot of resources to bring you back so he must have some kind of stake in it."

"Watch that back windshield," Sasuke ordered curtly. "We can't allow anyone to sneak up on us."

"Yeah, yeah you mentioned that when you drove me to the middle of nowhere and had parked in a goddamn field."

"An open field offers open visibility, nowhere for your opponent to hide."

"Maybe, but we can't stay out here forever." Suigetsu pointed out, "I mean is this really your plan?"

"No, but the club doesn't open until ten."

"Club!" Suigetsu squawked, "I'm running for my life and you're worried about going to the fucking club!"

Sasuke sighed, but any reply he may have had was cut short by the beeping of an alarm on his watch. "Nine-thirty, perfect," Sasuke said and putting the car into drive proceeded to peel out of the field and into traffic, taking the highway back toward the city.

"So again," Suigetsu asked, "Just why, when I'm running for my life are we going to a fucking club."  
>"Because," Sasuke said, not stopping his ministrations to Suigetsu's person, "There is someone here I need to talk to."<p>

"What did you have another date tonight?" Suigetsu snorted.

"No," Sasuke said, pulling a bit too hard on the hair he had been mussing. "It's the organization's accountant."

"Accountant?" Suigetsu asked. He was confused. He had pictured a group of bad-ass, free agent assassins, headed by a sadistic madman who his poor, helpless Sasuke had become hopelessly entangled with through some family debt. The idea that they had an accountant, well it sort of killed the majesty a little.

"Of course," Sasuke scoffed, untucking Suigetsu's shirt and then proceeding to undo the top few buttons, "We're a company like any other. All our assassins get paid. After all, they have to eat."

"Okay, but what does that have to do with this club."

"Well, we can't exactly file taxes as assassins, but that money has to be explained somehow so the club works as a sort of front for all our income and expenses."

"You mean you're money laundering," Suigetsu said.

"I suppose if you must give it a name," Sasuke said with a roll of his eyes.

"I didn't give it that name. The federal government did and I believe a pretty severe plenty to go along with that name."

"Well, something tells me the government's not too concerned with us." Sasuke smirked.

"Are you saying…"

"Have you ever heard of a conspiracy that _didn't_ go all the way to the top? Now enough lingering," Sasuke said, turning to head inside, "We've only got a limited window of time to see Kakashi alone and I don't want to waste it."

Suigetsu decided it was in his best interest to quit asking questions and just follow Sasuke.

"Try to blend in," The brunette said which Suigetsu almost openly laughed. The both of them stuck out like sore thumbs. Their street cloths were enough to set them apart. Hell, cloths set them apart from most of the patrons, but what made matters worse were that this was obviously no ordinary club. No, the giant stage in the back of the room covered with black wooden crosses and an arrangement of various whips off to the side and the numerous costumers in leather harasses told Suigetsu this was no other than a D/s club.

"Sasuke," Suigetsu said, grabbing the little brunette by the wrist and halting him in his beeline for the bar. "Don't you think you could have warned me that this was a bondage club?"

Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly, "Why? Are you uncomfortable? That's odd because when I mentioned my preference for—"

"It's not that I'm uncomfortable," Suigetsu hissed. "It's just that I would have liked to have been prepared."

"My apologies," Sasuke said freeing his wrist and approaching the bar. "I'll have a vodka tonic, neat."

"Sasuke," The pretty blonde girl behind the bar giggled, "You know I'm not allowed to serve you outside of Naruto's presence after what happened last time."

"Well, I won't tell if you don't" Sasuke said with his most winning smile.

It was mere seconds before the girl admitted defeat and throwing her hands up went to make Sasuke his drink. "You had better not tell Naruto about this," The girl said all flirtatious affectations gone from her voice, "I could lose my job if he finds out."

"Don't worry Ino," Sasuke said with a bat of his eyelashes, "something tells me even if Naruto were to find out about this it would be low on his list of grievances."

"If you say so," The girl was about to turn to another costumer when Sasuke placed the tips of his fingers on her wrist.

"Oh and one more thing Ino, do you know were Kakashi is?"

"Sure, he's in his office" Ino said. "Do you want me to have one of the staff tell him you're here?"

"Oh no," Sasuke said with a dismissive flick of the wrist, "I'd like to surprise him."

"Oh Sasuke, I had been expecting you," The silver haired man, Suigetsu guessed was Kakashi said as he spun a hefty, cushioned desk chair around to face the two men who had just entered his office. It was a large office; dark wood paneling covered the walls and a cumbersome matching desk was plopped directly in the middle of the room. Suigetsu noted with a blinking distaste that the one small, and simple desk lamp used to light the place was hardly adequate for the job, but thought better of mentioning it as it seemed to him assassins could be a volatile people. "And you brought your friend. Well, Naruto's not going to like that, but I'm pleased to meet you just the same." Kakashi rose from his chair, considerable mirth written all over his face as he approached the two men in long strides. "So what can I do for you?"

"Wait," Suigetsu held up his hands as if the mere gesture would pause time, "This guy is an accountant? This is the most built accountant I've ever seen."

"Thank you," said Kakashi jovially, but Sasuke ignored Suigetsu.

"Who does Naruto have on this job and what do they know?" Sasuke said, a gun Suigetsu hadn't noticed before aimed at the older man.

"Now Sasuke put that down and be reasonable. I hardly think Naruto refusing you a hit and forcing you to take a sabbatical merits this little tantrum."

"It's not a tantrum," Sasuke said, stomping his foot in a way that undercut his words. "And it—I'm not having this conversation with you. Tell me who Naruto has after me and what they know."

"I'm sure you can guess all that yourself Sasuke," The man chuckled. "You know him better than anyone. He's already sent Sakura and next he'll send…"

"Kiba," Sasuke scowled.

"As for what they know, well we knew almost nothing until you made that online dating profile. It led us right to you. It was a pretty stupid thing to do for someone who's on the lamb." Kakashi smirked and leaned back on his heavy, wooden desk.

"Holy shit," Suigetsu, who'd been a silent observer until this point finally put the pieces together, "You were fucking him and you almost got me killed over some damn lover's quarrel!"

"I saved your life!" Sasuke protested.

"It would never have been in danger if not for you."

Suigetsu heard a deep rumbling chuckle as Sasuke's face went from alabaster to scarlet in a matter of seconds. Then the tiniest fist he'd ever seen was flying at his left eye and then everything went black.

"Hey guys," a voice Suigetsu recognized as his earlier female assailant, "I think he's waking up."

Suigetsu's eyes peeled open to reveal an opulent sitting room. Where he found himself cuffed to a heavy mahogany table and surrounded by unfamiliar faces.

"So Uchiha knocked you out," A tan man, bearing red, triangular facial tattoos said, grinning from ear to ear. "And after he went to all the trouble to save your life too."

"You didn't kill me," Suigetsu said stunned.

"No, not yet," The girl Suigetsu remembered Sasuke calling Sakura chimed, "You see the truth is you're in the unique position of being the only person Sasuke will talk to without paralyzing and we really, _really_ need Sasuke back."

"Yeah well," Suigetsu attempted to lift himself to a sitting position only to have his shoulders feel like they were ripping out of his socket. "At the risk of losing fifteen or so minutes of life I have to ask are you all sure this is a sound business investment. I mean all these resources on one agent when you could just kill him."

Sakura shook her head, "You don't get it. It's a lot of work running a business and while Naruto-kun is great at what he does he's not the most organized person and ever since Sasuke left we've been having some…"

"Clerical errors," A man reclining in a large, black leather chair with long, brown hair gathered into a ponytail all on top of his head whom Suigetsu hadn't noticed before said.

"Clerical errors?" Suigetsu asked, "Don't you kill people?"

"Yes," said Sakura, "Which makes it all the more embarrassing. Do you have any idea what happens when you stage a suicide instead of a disappearance? Or show up at the wrong rendezvous point or try and seduce a _gay _senator? Things like this didn't happen with Sasuke around. He was meticulous."

"So you want him back to play secretary? Somehow I don't think he's gonna go for that."

"That's his value you to us," said an approaching voice from behind, which Suigetsu recognized as the accountant's from earlier. "Naruto's got his own personal reasons for wanting Sasuke to come back." The silver-haired man walked past Suigetsu's periphery to crouch on the floor in front of him. After a moment of silent appraisal Kakashi asked, "You're not stupid enough to run are you?"

Not feeling quite up to words, Suigetsu just shook his head. "Good, uncuff him and tell him the plan," Kakashi said with a small upturning of the lips.

Kakashi stood up and sat back on the black leather sectional from which his tattooed accomplice had just risen, presumably to uncuff Suigetsu.

"You see Mr. Hoozuki," Sakura began, "For whatever reason Sasuke appears to have taken a liking to you."

Suigetsu couldn't be sure he'd heard all that right. Maybe all this was making him crazy, but ideas of running away with a pretty brunette to the white sand beaches of Mexico flashed before his eyes (as soon as they got Sasuke properly medicated that is), "He left me to die," Suigetsu groaned out, rubbing his wrists where the cuffs had just been. "And I thought you were a fucking accountant," Suigetsu hissed with a glare at Kakashi.

Sakura furrowed her eyebrows, "Just how much did Sasuke tell you?"

"Now, now Sakura," Kakashi pacified, waving his hand to silence the girl, "We are asking for his help we ought to give him some explanation."

Suigetsu couldn't help, but feel that he'd signed his own death certificate.

"You see, I _am _an accountant now, but before that I was one of the organizations top agents." Kakashi said, "I retired when I married my 'ruka."

"Obviously," continued Sakura, "we couldn't trust just anyone with our finances. We needed someone whose loyalty we could trust."

"But none of this is relevant," The reclining man pulled himself into a fully erect position to be part of the conversation. "What we need from you is to get Sasuke and bring him to a rendezvous point, we'll give you. Naruto will take it from there."

"Why me? And I still have some other questions, like where the fuck am I and what happened to my car?"

"Sasuke blew up your car, with one of our old agent's, Sai, body in it to stage your death." Sakura answered coolly.

"That was a lease!"

"Bummer?" Laughed the tattooed man from somewhere behind Suigetsu.

"He knocked me out, and blew up my fucking car!"

"Right," Sakura nodded, "We assumed he had to get rid of you to gain back lost time. You were probably slowing him down. Anyway, we found you drugged in your own bed, which was lucky really because it save us the trouble of what could have been a noisy fight and a messy cover up."

"And my car?" Suigetsu pressed.

"We found it exploded in a field outside of town."

"Jesus Christ."

"As for where you are," Kakashi continued seamlessly, ignoring the stunned horror coloring the other man's face, "You understand that outside of the fact that you are in a residence within the city we can't really tell you much else. To be honest you'll have to be drugged on the way out, for safety."

"Drugged!"

"Yes, so the idea—"

"Hold on," Suigetsu protested. "When Sasuke knocked me out you were in the room," Suigetsu said pointing to Kakashi, "Now I know he's stronger than he looks, but you're a big guy and an assassin. Why didn't you just take him out?"

"Fucking Christ!" That tattooed man screamed, "This fucker is really starting to annoy me!"

"Now Kiba calm down," Kakashi said with a rumbling chuckle and then turning his attention back to Suigetsu proceeded to calmly address his question, "As in every business, there are certain rules of office etiquette that apply to our trade. Now I could have restrained Sasuke, of course, but that would have resulted in breaking one of his arms and as even you must know Mr. Hoozuki, it is never a good idea to break the arm of you boss' spouse."

"Spou…He's married?"

"Yes, and now you understand why Naruto is so insistent that we bring Sasuke back."

Suigetsu could honestly say he _did _not understand why this Naruto person was fighting so avidly to bring his husband back, but at this junction, he felt that more information about these people would only confuse him. "All right, so what's the plan?"

"Finally," said the unnamed brunet, Suigetsu had presumed to be sleeping until now, and sitting up fully, once again, he began unveil the plan to the rest of the group.


End file.
